You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone.

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!


I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

Happiness

- finding you musical soulmate

- when he smiles at you

- spinning around in the rain

- unexpected texts

- finding something thought you'd lost

- feeling pretty

- winning an argument

- getting letters in the mail

- noticing something you never had

- slipping on your new pair of shoes

- cheering someone up

- knowing that everything will be okay

I hate that feeling when you're about to cry and someone asks you if theres anything wrong or to cheer you up and you try to smile but you just physically can't do it and eventually the effort of trying to smile for this one person has the tears spilling over.It makes me feel so defeated by life when I can't find the strength to smile in those moments.

I want to start living my life

I’m tired of feeling chained down by the internet, by text messages, by the television, by other people.
I want to run and keep running and keep running until I end up in a place where I can breathe God in and never have worry about forgetting when it’s time to exhale.
I want bare feet and promises that never get taken back. I want to hear things that are said from the depth of truth, not from impulse or emotion.
I want to be wrapped in a hug and know that I was made for them. I want swing-sets and cliff-diving. I want bonfires and the feeling of family that I’ve been missing my whole life.
I want this awful aching feeling in my chest to go away.
I want to be sure of something for once in my life.
I want to stop questioning evrything people say to me.
i want to lose my attachment to this world.
I want to stop getting my heart broken.I woke up feeling like this, missing everything.

SPM TIMETABLE 2010

Monday 22/11/2010
8:00 - 10:15 AM
Bahasa Melayu 1

11:00 - 12:15 PM
Seni Visual (Teori)

2:00 - 4:30 PM
Bahasa Melayu 2

Tuesday 23/11/2010
8:00 - 9:45 AM
Bahasa Inggeris 1

10:30 - 12:45 PM
Bahasa Inggeris 2

Wednesday 24/11/2010
8:00 - 9:00 AM.
Sejarah 1

10:00 - 12:30 PM
Sejarah 2

Thursday 25/11/2010
8:00 - 9:15 AM
Math 1

10:00 - 12:30 PM
Math 2

Monday 29/11/2010
8:00 - 10:30 AM
Moral

Tuesday 30/11/2010
8:00 - 10:00 AM
Add Math 1

2:00-4:00 PM
Add Math 2

Wednasday 1/12/2010
8:00 - 9:15 AM
Science 1

8:00 - 9:15 AM
Physics 1

10:00 - 12:30 PM
Science 2

10:00 - 12:30 PM
Physics 2

2:00 - 3:30 PM
Physics 3

Thursday 2/12/2010
8:00 - 9:15AM
Chemistry 1

10:00 - 12:30 PM
Chemistry 2

2:00 - 3:30 PM
Chemistry 3

Monday 6/12/2010
8:00 - 9:15 AM
Perdagangan 1

8:00 - 9:15 AM
Biology 1

10:00 - 12:00 PM
Perdagangan 2

10:00 - 12:30 PM
Biology 2

2:00 - 3:30 PM
Biology 3

Wednesday 8/12/2010
11:15 - 12:30 PM
Accounts 1

2:00 - 4:30 PM
Accounts 2

Thursday 9/12/2010
2:00 - 5:00 PM
Seni Visual 2

Monday 13/12/2010
8:00 - 10:15 AM
Bahasa Cina 1

11:15 - 1:00 PM
Bahasa Cina 2

2:00 - 4:00 PM
Geografi 2

Tuesday 14/12/2010
2:00 - 3.15 PM
Geografi 1

Got a secret, can you keep it?

Promise this one you’ll save.

Gotta lock it, in your pocket.

Taking this one to the grave.

If I show you, then I know you

Won’t tell what I said

‘Cause two can keep a secret

If one of them is dead.

“If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?”

—	Beauty & the Beast

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”

—	The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Updates

Okay I decided to cut my hair !

Inspired look :

This ?

or this ????

I prefer the 1st one actually.

“You weren’t created to be a failure. Sure some things may not have worked out and there have been some disappointments. But all these things helped guide you in a direction that was meant for you. Your life has purpose and significance. Try to be patient if it isn’t all crystal clear just yet. For now, just know that you weren’t created to fail.”

Students sitting for the SPM examination is analogous to a cow, as this examination assesses the ability of students to swallow and regurgitate information. Subjects can be easily passed by memorizing the entire textbook without actually understanding anything.

While other international examinations are increasing in standard every year, the SPM examination has shown a steady decline compared from 70s and 80s until today. The reason is simple, if the standard is lowered, more students (read: Malays) will be able to score As, this would appear as if Malaysians are getting smarter every year, credits to the government for this ingenious plan.

For example, take a look at actual questions for SPM Math:

1960s - The equation 3x^2+px+120=0, where p >0 has roots α and β. α-β=3. Evaluate the value of p and (αβ)^2. Hence, calculate the third derivative of y=3x^2+px+120.

1980s - The quadratic equation x^2+px+q=0 has roots -2 and 6. Find the value of (p+q), hence, form a quadratic equation with roots p, q

2000s - A quadratic equation has the roots 2 and 3. State the sum of 2 and 3.

2020 - If the number 2 is a color, would you like that color? Why?

“I saw you today. I realized how far apart we’ve grown. I know I should ask you how you’re doing, but I can’t. I wish I could. It occurred to me that we’re strangers now. You don’t know me anymore, much less want to. Everything is so different now.”

“Then, without warning, we both straightened up, turned towards each other, and began to kiss. After that, it is difficult for me to speak of what happened. Such things have little to do with words, so little, in fact, that it seems almost pointless to try to express them. If anything, I would say we were falling into each other, that we were falling so fast and so far that nothing could catch us. Again, I lapse into metaphor. But that is probably beside the point. For whether or not I can talk about it does not change the truth of what happened. The fact is, there never was such a kiss, and in all my life I doubt there can ever be such a kiss again."

From The New York Trilogy by Paul Auster

There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything,but it's not giving up.It's realizing that you don't need certain people and their crap.